Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Plain Discouraged

I feel discouraged. Last night, after turning in a good performance I could feel my sugar was high. I checked it and it was 220 something. I took 4 units on an empty stomach and went to bed. I awoke about 1:30 in a sweat and struggled up the stairs and ate 3 apples (small ones from the neighbors' lawns - the good kind). Had I been with it, I would have stopped there and gone back to bed, but I ended up eating so much more, I took another 5 units and never did go back to bed - until after the family got up. I was just tired of this disease and when you have all three of the following, you wonder: Good performance, high sugar, still hungry.

For the past 2 summers and winters, I have been nearly insulin independent in the Summer and totally dependent in the Winter. Could I be going back into Winter the same this year? It has seemed to be dependent on the season alone, without the poor performance people tend to turn in due to the holidays and all the treats and splurging and stuff. It may well be simply that the appetite is bigger when it's cooler and my body has healed to the point that it is insulin independent in the hot months but not to the point where it is in the cool ones.

I have had mixed results this past month. I cannot tell whether I'm actually regressing, just going like normal into the cool months or just been under more stress or something .

Don't know what to do but keep on. I guess the silver lining here is I don't have any decisions to make; there's only one way and that is to keep doing one's best.