Saturday, February 28, 2009

Contrast to What I Wrote About Attention Giving

I found this interesting article at

Here's an interesting sample that contrasts with my post, Veering Off the Subject:

"How Much Attention Is Too Much?

"That depends on you. How much attention-seeking can you tolerate? The rule is that children will seek as much attention as you give them. You must strike a balance between how much your children want and how much you can give. Even normal attention-seeking can drive you crazy on some days.

"Do not let your children's need for attention turn into demands for attention. When children do not get enough attention, they resort to outbursts, tantrums, nagging, teasing, and other annoying behaviors. They think, "If I can't get attention by being good, then I'll misbehave to get Mom's attention."

The first paragraph directly contradicts what I wrote in my post; the second one reminds me of something I sort of left out of my post. So I will say it here: I define whining as complaining before asking nice OR displaying any sort of bratty behavior to protest or appeal to parental law, such as crying or nagging to try to change a parent's already given answer from 'No' to 'Yes.' As I mentioned in the other post, there is no relation between giving attention and spoiling, and I believe not in spoiling a child. Per my definition, my wife and I do not ever budge a millimeter to whining; we do not respond to it at all. I coached my wife on this and she (for once) took my advice. She ceases dialogue with the child after giving her answer. Our kids see how their friends repeal parental law and they sometimes try it out on us, but they soon learn it's no use. This is one form of Vitamin N. Like my dad used to say, nothing so soothing as the sound of a baby crying during the daytime. Meaning, the baby would be less likely to cry in the night and keep him awake. So he'd just let them (us) cry. But fairly often, you see parents try to avoid or minimize embarrassment in public by caving to their child's tantrum. They do not realize that other parents watching do not appreciate this; rather, they'd like to see them stand fast and let the kid scream. It's disgusting to watch them cave.

In response to the first quoted paragraph, I'd like to reiterate: step into their world, spend a little time there, and they will seek less attention than you give. Realize that loving them is your primary purpose in living. Turn your thoughts and your time from your self to them (you will find out this is the secret to happiness - it really works - you feel great when you are there for someone else, not you). Love them, don't spoil them, and you generally won't have any tantrums, rivalries, boredom, disobedience, showing off, typical teenagers or whining to deal with, though we all know there are special cases. Special cases are special challenges, the purposes for which are known to God. For those cases, remember: your satisfaction depends not on their response and performance, but on your own performance. God will take care of you and them; you just do your job and you will be satisfied and blessed.