Monday, July 20, 2009

I fell off the wagon day before yesterday and I ain't got back on. I don't have an explanation. Today, I was hungry and had a lot of juice and felt great and then went and ate a whole lot more and didn't feel as great, but wasn't sorry. I got up to 277 and took 5 units.

Now I have a question: Why do, or do we have to always be tested and fail right after we say something? Why do I have to binge or whatever every single time I tell someone how well I've been doing? Why do I have to eat a piece of cake right after I tell someone I do not eat cake? Why do I have to yell at my wife right after saying I never want to yell again? Why, after explaining that our feelings follow our actions and we don't really feel very angry until we start yelling and then it takes off exponentially, and that the common tool of Satan is to turn down the light, do I have to do that very thing for the first time in ages? Seems we are always tested right away on whatever we say. In my case, I usually fail. It kind of serves as a fortification of my knowledge that what I said really really was true, for the next opportunity to be tested.

All I can say is, I feel no discouragement or doubt. My recent success has been too great for any of that. I use the word success for clarity but I really mean blessing.

Sure am loving that Romaine. Been eating the red variety - did you know there is a difference in flavor from the regular green kind?

While I'm here, let me tell you about the wild flowers along the bike trail in Baldwin Borough. I could not tell whether they were planted deliberately by humans or just naturally occurring weeds. They were breathtaking today. I was coming home from the dentist (oral surgery) and gazing at the colors helped ease the pain. I felt fine afterward, a good kind of hurt. The colors and the patterns were both unprecedented for me.

Still feeling a lot of love.

And I don't know whether I mentioned it, but I have been noticing a sudden acceleration in my love for Pittsburgh and surrounding area and people lately. It really is such a cool place. I was riding up river close to home and thinking boy I sure couldn't be doing this back in the Utah desert, no sir. Of course, different as they are, I enjoy cycling equally in Pittsburgh and Salt Lake City, each for very different but good reasons. I think it is silly to compete and trash talk between cities and states. I love the whole earth. What do I care that some guys drew some borders and built some buildings and infrastructure and set up some governments? I'll tell you what I do not like though. I am very against the big push to standardize things and make everything all brand new (even if no one occupies) to the point (which we have already arrived and passed by) that you cannot tell what city or part of the country you are in because the brand new shopping areas all look the same. We need more mom and pops and dusty roadsides. C'mon.